Date Advisor - a Second person perspective

Who reflects in the mirror when you stand in front of it? A dentist! Not worthy of that title, as we see you not practicing with any dexterity. An artist perhaps! When was the last time you painted a piece that was worth so much so as glancing at? A writer then! Dr. Gerald, you fail to articulate in convincing words a heartfelt emotion in front of your own family, how likely are you to compose an original work worth reading by the multitude. And yet, such superego!

If the Providence makes a lowlife like your narcissistic unsuccessful self sit face to face with a blue stocking, take that as an opportunity never to waste. The probability of that happening is close to zero. So very close, you believed it was zero. Perhaps that is the reason why you wasted this one opportunity that was staring you right in the face a week back. A week back, really! And now you decide to share the story. It never occurred to you - while you rambled on day after another about all the cuisines you stuffed in your bulging tummy, and the same patients with the same conditions day after another who were unfortunate enough to step into your clinic, and books you ended up getting your hands on day in day out which were rejected even by the community college libraries - that you should share this? This mirror of yours has been lying to you a little over three decades already. About time for it to be replaced by an honest living human being, who despite of your idiocy, futility and self-denial is willing to actually help you. And no, flatter yourself not, it is not because of any good that has come out of you. It is due to the sorry fact that this ingenuous, cerebral and charismatic demi-god happens to be your fraternal twin. Irony of nature!

Now this is how the story shall unveil. You shall be leaving a text for Ms. Gretchen on Tuesday, two days from today. No, you shall not be sending this text earlier. If you send it now, at the weekend, it shall be apparent that you are single, desperate and an absolute loner who never has a plan for the weekends. If you send it on Monday, she might get the impression that you had the most horrific company on Sunday and you are looking forward to changing that, again desperate. You send that anything after Thursday, it shall be obvious that you desire her for the upcoming weekend. So Tuesday, it shall be - your message to her.


You must be wondering now what you should compose for her, right! A general "it was nice meeting you!" would not suffice since you have taken way too long to write to her. And no, your interest in arts and philosophy would not be an appropriate ice breaker either. You are going to tell her that it was the patient load that kept you from speaking to her earlier. Follow this then by a meaningful event that reminded you of her. So if I follow correctly she did mention her political disagreement with the Republicans and how she finds it absurd to acknowledge Trump as the US president. Mention to her how you decided to step into the Women's march and how the feminism manifesting at the Grand Central reminded you of her. Tell her that you feel alienated in your skin at these testing times and wish for her to accompany you for some drinks.


And lastly, but for some absurd reason, most importantly, how should you send it? Are you wondering whether your words should flow better through a direct sms, a whatsapp text, a snapchat disappearing message, a facebook desperate cry for help, an instagram aesthetic mourn or a line at "Line"? Well, here's the deal. Say no to facebook messenger. A girl is likely to classify you as a stalker who must have gone through her facebook profile before texting her, and no, we don't want you to have that image. Say no to snapchat since it starts with a disappearing message followed later by some inappropriate images and a girl with brains would disapprove of it unless you have been dating her for at least a week or two. No to line, duhh ... you are not an Asian! And since whatsapp sounds cheap since it is free - you choose an sms, which is also free but we lived through the 90s and we know how it used to be expensive, the thought of exclusivity is deep-rooted and hence makes an sms a preferred means of text messaging.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Screams Are That Loud

Image
He was standing a couple of inches short of 6 feet with an aged pale dark skin drooping much like a weeping tree in autumn. A thick beard was neatly combed and the white of his entire attire was broken only by the red in the piece of cloth he had on his shoulder. Here I was standing before him and him standing before an embellished collection of Islamic literature. “You are comfortable with the floor seating or should I call for a chair? Hammad, Hammad? ...” I had to stop him there. I would much rather take the same seat as the person I would like to converse with. “So you said you had to ask me certain questions pertaining to Saaleh?” “Yes”, I continued as I made myself comfortable across from him in the small cubicle, “We gathered you gave him provisions for his way back that terrible night.” “He was a whimpering six year old raw flesh when I discovered him outside our madrassa. I asked him if he were hungry or in danger. He disclosed how badly he had been wrong
Read more

Something for the First Time

Image
“How cruel this season of unrest!” I reflected. Day in day out - the jarring sounds of catastrophic sirens, heinous carnage flooding the television screens, flashing images of mutilated bodies at every second scroll and those of disgraced selves at every third tap – the sorry state of humanity, it had my creativity enslaved. This demise of human virtue was broken one fine evening, as I was browsing through some art, by a promising pop up of a philanthropic organization. There are several academic institutions in our community, but there is hardly any that offers education and counselling to those deprived many who occupy the urban slums. I was destined to be a part of the movement; I urged to share my two cents. My orientation at “The Citizens’ Foundation” was less insightful than I had imagined. The primary concepts were laid by the speakers in a rather well articulated but somewhat rugged manner. There was plenty left for the future sessions, which at that particular point I s
Read more

Passage to Desensitization

Image
The urge to be in control, The fear to be in submission: Subjecting your own self to harm; Knowingly, approvingly, directing self to pain: For it is this feeling - A feeling emerging after an age, Approvingly, knowingly, you desire to feel How it feels to feel, And then it builds: The burden, too heavy now To bear You surrender - Knowingly, approvingly, surrender to their urge, The pain doesn't cessate, Nay, it amplifies with every surrender - Approvingly, knowingly, you cease to be!
Read more